Tonight, I got home from watching the nephews and my mom was waiting for me. She had a very serious look on her face and said, "I need to talk to you."
With my mom you're never quite sure if this will be serious or if she's going to ask something random and trivial like, "will you help me pick out my clothes for tomorrow?"
This time it was serious. A friend of hers just called to say that her seven-year old daughter confessed to being sexually abused by her 11 and 12 year old cousins. They stripped her naked, ridiculed her, made her slap herself, call herself names and then did unspeakable things to her. It only happened once and they made her promise not to tell but she felt like she had to tell her mom.
Her mother stormed over to her brothers house to confront him and he denied everything, saying she was making it up. However, his children confessed. Now it is a big family drama and her brother is trying to paint her and her daughter as the villan who is tearing apart their family. He is even threatening a lawsuit against her.
Everything inside of me is stirred up. I was brought into the picture because I have a degree in counseling. My first thought is for the real victim, the seven year old child who was molested. She is afraid. She doesn't know what all of these emotions are. She needs to know that this is not her fault and she did nothing wrong. She needs unconditional love and support.
What happened to her is a tear in her soul. Some people will dismiss it saying it only happened once it doesn't matter, but it does matter. Others will say her cousins probably didn't know what they were doing, they're only children. But they learned that behavior somewhere, chances are things are happening in that home that need to be investigated.
I also realize that my emotions are stirred because that happened to me. You always respond on an innate, viceral level when its happened to you. It made me project out to what if I had told. I know that there would be the same level of family drama. I convinced myself it was easier to just be quiet, so I wouldn't make waves. Then no one would get in trouble. I didn't want anyone to be mad at me. I didn't want to get yelled at. I didn't want to be told I was a liar. I mean who would believe me, I was just a kid. I felt responsible. I felt like it was my fault.
The interesting thing is, I felt all those things even in my silence, along with the white hot shame of feeling dirty and unloved. I never gave anyone a chance to protect me, love me, take care of me or help me process. I just shut down. I protected myself. I took care of myself. A process I am still unlearning to this day.
If I could talk to that little 7 year old girl I would reassure her that she did the right thing. I would encourage her mom to hold her until she decides its enough. Right now I beg the holy spirit to come in and touch those places inside of her that feel broken. I would pray that her innocence be restored. That she not close up, that she let her mom and sister comfort her, that the shame not come to nest into her soul. I pray that the unconditional love of Christ flood her mind, body and spirit to where she knows that she is not responsible and that she will be ok.
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